Turnabout Sasquatch (Lost Ace Attorney Level)
Written by Narsicko. Hi, My name is Phoenix Wright, and I have a hunger for Beefaroni that I cannot satisfy. I am defending a Sasquatch that killed, and ate the body of a late night talk show host. He says he's innocent but.. I'm not so sure about that. Anyways, to catch you up on the story, basically what happened was some pretty spooky things happened on a show called the Late Late Show With James Corden. He got fucking eaten by a goddamn North American Sasquatch who wants me to defend him in court and prove he's innocent. God what happened to my career? Anyways, now that you're caught up here's what happened next,I agreed to defend him if, and ONLY if he gave me a bowl of beefaroni. He agreed to do it, "Alright, I'll give you some Beefaroni just please help prove I'm innocent!" The Sasquatch said with tears in his eyes. "Alright, sit down and let's discuss this." I said looking at the giant creature, he broke the door trying to squeeze his fat ass inside the room. (Great...) He eventually sat down on a chair that was conveniently the right size for him. "Now then, tell me what happened." I said to him. "Well, I was like singing with James Corden on Carpool Karaoke when like, he fucking dumped my bowl of Raviolis all over my fur, I just had it done too, and I was feeling faabbuuloousss. And then I kinda.. Sorta... Mauled and ate him alive." He said looking down on the ground. "So, lemme get this straight, you're admitting that you mauled and ate James alive, and there's proof of this happening, and you want me to defend you? Alright I'm sold, I got nothing else to do and i need Beefaroni more than I need air, so alright I'll take your case." We shook hands and I told him I'd start investigating. A few hours later i arrived at the crime scene, there were cops, and Hyper Realistic blood was everywhere. I walked onto the crime scene because the cops didn't give a fuck if I contaminated the scene or not, I looked at the car and saw all the hyper realistic blood and gore, it left me very disheveled. I saw a piece of Sasquatch hair on the passenger seat, and as I went to pick it up a very loud voice yelled st me. "HEY, YOU BETTER NOT FUCKIN' TOUCH ANYTHING PAL!" And of course, it was none other than. Detective Dick Gumshoe, "Whatdya think yer doin' pal? That's evidence!" Being the asshole that I am sometimes, I flashed my tiny attorney's badge at him. "Pal, you show me that every goddamn time we meet. For once in your life stop doing that, you're not a cop or anything so please. Stop it and get some help." He said in a very irritated voice, I won't lie that really hurt, I sadly put my badge back on my lapel and told him that I was defending the Sasquatch because he said he would give me a bowl of Chef Boyarde Brand Beefaroni, a very delicious meal that'll satisfy you. (I swear to god I am not sponsored by Chef Boyarde.) Anyways he insulted me and called me a moron because I was defending a Sasquatch for a bowl of beefaroni, but he's the real moron here, not me! I decided to just knock him out, take the evidence and ran as fast as i could from the crime scene. The next day came and i was in the courthouse waiting for the trial to start, Maya wasn't here with me this time because she was dead from eating too many hamburgers so I would have no help this time. Detective Gumshoe was looking at me with a very angry expression on his face. He was looking disheveled, The Guard came out and said the trial was starting. Everyone went into the courtroom and went to where they were suppose to go, I was looking kinda smug because I thought there was no way they could prove my client was guilty since I stole all the evidence. Across from me was a hyper realistic Miles Edgeworth, he looked VERY disheveled, he looked at me with a blank expression and for some reason he started T-posing. The judge eventually arrived and said "Court is now in session for the murder of James Corden. How does the defense plead?" He said In a serious tone. "Like, not guilty your honor, I totally didn't do it!" The Sasquatch said, looking genuinely upset. "Alright, let's get this over with, Mr. Edgeworth Do you have a witness?" he looked at Edgeworth "indeed I do your hono-" "OBJECTION" I yelled out, "How can he possibly have a witness? That doesn't make sense!" Everyone looked at me with an annoyed expression on their face. "If you would let me finish you fucking beefaroni loving degenerate, I would've said that my witness was a Mr.Michigan J. Frog." He said in an annoyed voice. "Oh, uh. Okay.." I said putting my head down, the frog came up to the stand, and for some reason he was wearing white face paint, had long hair and was wearing a tiny white hoodie. "Now, Mr.Fro-" Edgeworth said before being interrupted by the frog "Actually my name is Frog The Killer, and I'm gonna tell you what happened right now." "Ahem, You see i was out taking a nice midday stroll, taking in the sights when all of a sudden I saw car that was parked and it was shaking. I thought it was just some teenagers having sex so I hopped over to the car, and instead of seeing a couple of teens making love, I saw Mr.Sasquatch over there killing and eating Mr Jam-" "OBJECTION!!! This whole story sounds suspicious there's no way you can know that my client committed the crime! There's no evidence!" I said interrupting the frog, "a-are you kidding me right now? Your honor you can't possibly allow him to keep interrupting us." Edgeworth said looking at the judge (son of a bitch.) "Mr.Wright, if you interrupt again I will have no choice but to call a guilty verdict." The Judge said looking at me with a very disheveled look on his face. I sighed and the Frog continued his testimony. It was finally time for me to do my Cross-Examination and I was very excited. "you see I was out on a mid-" "OBJECTION!!!, There is absolutely no evidence proving my Client commited this crime! So you can't possibly prove he is gulty!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. "Well, Mr.Edgeworth, is this true?" The judge said looking at him. "Unfortunately, it is. We were unable to find any proof that the Sasquatch killed James Corden." He said disappointedly. "Well then, if there is no evidence then I guess I have no choice to declare the defense. No-" "wait up pal, I got proof he did it!!" A very familiar voice said. I felt my anger rising as I heard that cursed voice, it was none other than Dick Gumshoe. he ran up to the judge and showed him a picture. What was on the picture left me very disheveled. It was an image of the Sasquatch eating James Corden. "Goddamn it.. GODAMN IT I WAS SO CLOSE!!" I yelled and grabbed a guard's gun, I shot the judge in the head and then I shot Gumshoe. Hyper realistic blood spurted out everywhere, everyone ran out of the court room it was just me, The Sasquatch and a guard. Several other guards came in and shot me. Beefaroni came out of me instead of blood, I layed on the floor, bleeding out. I looked at the Sasquatch and said to him "I.. Love beefaroni..." And that was it. The Sasquatch was found guilty and was sentenced to 3 days in prison, Chef Boyardee got boycotted after Phoenix's mad rampage and eventually had to stop making beefaroni. God help us all.. Category:CreepyPasta Article Category:Lost Episodes Category:Creepypastas narrated by DaveTheUseless Category:Lost Video Games